Colleges Fit For a Disney Princess

Fun fact: Most of the Disney Princesses are aged between 14 and 19. This can only mean that, had they not lived in the Magical Fantasyland of Dreams Come True, they'd be living here, enduring the giddy drudgery of  the College Search.  While we can't say for sure where or whether they would have gone to school, we can hazard a few guesses based on their evident interests and personalities.  See our theories below...

Pocahontas (Pocahontas) – Bennington College Nestled in the deep forests of Vermont, Bennington is a top choice for hippies and tree-huggers, the kinds of people who consider rainstorms their brothers and otters their  friends.  As a Princess who talks to trees and hangs around a remarkably zen raccoon, Pocahontas will undoubtedly be a perfect fit for Bennington.  Plus, with their “optional grading” policy, she could totally hand in a blank sheet of paper in Studio Art 101 and say she was “painting with all the colors of the wind, man,” and not fail the semester.

Similar schools: University of Vermont, Oberlin College, Guilford College

Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) – Undesignated Party School She likes to sleep.  She likes to dance. She falls for complete strangers she meets in forests (read: frat houses) and doesn’t show much interest in academic pursuits.  This Princess is going to a party school.  It doesn’t matter where – a girl who stabs her hand on a glowing, sketchy-looking spinning wheel after being told what it would do to her will go wherever she can get in.  Plus, we don’t want to mention any party schools by name…it could ruin our relationships with certain esteemed institutions.  But c’mon.  You’re all thinking of at least one…

Tiana (The Princess and the Frog) – The University of Chicago Yes, Tiana likes cooking.  But as it's the 21st century and women have at least a few more career options to choose from, we'll pretend she's interested in academic pursuits as well.  With her intelligence, prodigious work ethic and ability to survive on mere seconds of sleep per night, Tiana has what it takes to survive at the University of Chicago.  A progressive thinker whose choices aren't limited by the status quo, this princess will probably be able accomplish anything she dreams up – provided she never tries to kick her caffeine addiction.  UChicago is reputed for having some of the hardest-working, passionate, and most sleep-deprived students in the country.

Similar schools: Swarthmore College, Reed College, Carnegie Mellon University

Mulan (Mulan) – United States Military Academy at West Point West Point is the one place Mulan can participate in elaborate military training montages while her well-built commander sings about deconstructing gender stereotypes.    The United States Military Academy at West Point is located in upstate New York, and is the alma mater of countless notable US military commanders…for better or worse.  And as a warrior who single-handedly defeated an entire army, she certainly fits the West Point motto, "Much of the history we teach was made by people we taught."

Similar Schools:  United States Air Force Academy, United States Naval Academy, United States Coast Guard Academy

Ariel (The Little Mermaid) – University of California at Santa Barbara As a denizen of both earth and sea, Ariel could only be really happy at a place like University of California Santa Barbara.  Located on the coast of California, UCSB is known for its beautiful campus, beautiful students, and evident lack of dress code.  Ariel would feel quite at home in her clam-shell bikini, and if she gets into their prestigious Oceanography and Marine Biology program, nobody would think it was *that* weird that she spends most of her time arguing with a crab.

Similar schools: St. Mary's College of Maryland, University of Hawaii at Manoa, University of South Florida

Snow White (Snow White and the Seven Dwarves) – Deep Springs College Snow would probably at least apply to Deep Springs College.  Deep Springs College is a tiny but very competitive all-boys school located in the middle of the California wilderness.  Its unconventional education focuses on manual labor - tending the ranch and its various animals – as well as high-caliber academics.  Snow White would probably spend her time there blissfully keeping house, hanging out with a group of strange men and growing her own food.  As for the all-boys rule?  Snow is dense enough to take apples from strangers, so she’s probably dense enough to apply to an all-boys school and not notice.  And her name is unisex enough that they might even let her in, before kicking her out two weeks later on account of her relentless singing. 

Similar Schools: None

Rapunzel (Tangled) – University of Colorado at Boulder Ah, Rapunzel, Rapunzel.  She just wants to go on an adventure and engage in a little healthy rebellion against her overbearing mother.  And with its plucky, open-minded student body and very accessible mountain ranges, University of Colorado at Boulder offers all the adventure a college student could want.  Just outside its pristine lawns and gray stone walls lies a vast wilderness of snow-topped peaks, cougars, bison and Paleo-dieters just waiting to be explored.  And if she’s still got that teenage rebellion itch to scratch, the surrounding town has enough products of the liberal agenda available to drive any conservative parent insane.

Similar schools: Montana State University - Bozeman, University of California Santa Cruz, University of New Hampshire

Nala (The Lion King) - ? What kind of college would a lion go to?  We don’t know.  We feel sorry for her classmates, because they will probably be lunch.

Belle (Beauty and the Beast) – St. John’s College Annapolis As an intellectual, unconventional type with voracious appetite for reading, Belle would be a great fit for St. John’s.  This school’s alternative curriculum delves deeply into the “Great Books” of Western literature, and would appeal to her independent spirit.  Finally, she’d be surrounded by the handful of her peers that actually did their English reading and secretly enjoyed it.

Similar Schools: St. John's College Santa Fe, Kenyon College, Hamilton College

Jane (Tarzan) – Yale University Though an oft forgotten Disney heroine, Jane actually stands a chance of getting into an Ivy League School.  She’s the daughter of a professor, she’s a brilliant scholar and zoologist, and she still finds time to practice her artwork.  And just in case we weren't starting to feel bad enough about our own paltry accomplishments, this heroine has already done extensive field research in Africa.  Most likely, she’ll travel abroad sophomore year, transfer to a foreign university, devote herself to a cause and never come back.

Similar schools:  Harvard University, Columbia University, Princeton University

Jasmine (Aladdin) – New York University After watching her stunning performance seducing Jafar, we can all agree that Jasmine is a clear contender for their Tisch School of the Arts. NYU students come from a huge variety of backgrounds, but usually have a few things in common:  they’re sophisticated, they're interested in world affairs, and they have an interesting relationship with privilege.  Luckily, as the daughter of a Sultan, Jasmine can easily pay the school’s tuition, New York City rent, and the inevitable shoe therapy following her Freshman year break-up with Aladdin.

Similar schools: Georgetown University, American University, University of California at Los Angeles

Alice (Alice in Wonderland) – Eugene Lang College The New School for Liberal Arts Disney acid sequences?  She was into those BEFORE they were cool, hombre.  Whether or not she tries to be, Alice is really, really strange.  Alice is going to college with that kid in your class who drove your English teacher crazy by writing his papers in verse and performing them as an interpretive dance.  Located in The Village, New York, The New School generates the kind of individualistic/borderline insane artists that nobody understands but everyone still wants to copy.  At least, that’s what they like to think.

Similar schools: Emerson University, Bard College, Vassar College

Cinderella (Cinderella) – Liberty University Liberty is currently the largest Evangelical Christian university in the world, and espouses such values as chastity before marriage, squeaky-clean language and midnight curfews.  No, really. In all likelihood, Cinderella will be competing with many other eligible maidens for her MRS degree, but lucky for her, she won’t be the only girl turning into a pumpkin at midnight...or something like that.  And with such an excellent imagination, Cinderella will have no problem visiting the Liberty University Museum and looking at its 3,000-year-old dinosaur fossils.

Similar schools: Oral Roberts University, Bob Jones University, Brigham Young University