I love Mad Men. My entire family loves Mad Men. And, as we found out this week, the Emmy Awards love Mad Men. Which is why I was disappointed this week by one of the most self-indulgent and carelessly structured episodes in the show’s history. As Matthew Weiner and his team accepted their third consecutive Emmy Award for the show’s (usually) brilliant writing, Don Draper is also preparing to snag a golden statue: a CLIO award in the “best cleansers, waxes and polishers category.”
“Waldorf Stories” drops us back into the liquor-soaked world of SCDP, which seems bland compared to last week’s detour into masturbation, psychotherapy, the power of Betty Draper’s backhand, and really, really bad haircuts. Everyone is playing to type: Don is arrogant, Peggy’s whining, and please don’t get Pete started on Kenny. As the episode opens, Don and Peggy are eviscerating Danny, the latest oddball to seek a job at SCDP. Danny is there due to nepotism: he’s Rodger’s wife’s cousin. This could have been a nice moment of Don/Peggy bonding, but Don has awards on the brain and Peggy is pissed about not being invited to the ceremony (What can we say, Joan looks better in a dress). She’s also butting heads with the new art director.
Wait. What new art director? Apparently he exists and his name is Stan. There he is wowing the ladies with his controversial ad from the LBJ campaign. Nothing says romance like the KKK, right? So far we know Stan’s a nudist and uses words like “speechitize.” He spends most of his time insulting Peggy’s buttoned-up appearance and throwing pencils at the ceiling.
Back on the Jersey Shore (oops, I meant the CLIOS) there are appearances by Don’s new archenemy Ted Chaough and Duck Philips, the Ghost of Seasons Past. Then Rodger, Joan, and Don clasp hands in anticipation as the nominees are announced. Don gives Joan the most inappropriate awards show kiss since Adrien Brody and Halle Berry at the 2002 Oscars. But wait: no time for more than five or six drinks. There are clients back at the office.
Even though Don’s can be a conceited SOB, he’s good at what he does. That’s why we keep watching. But Don’s drunk, the clients are drunk, and no one’s in the mood for a campaign built on nostalgia and subtle irony. Don further embarrasses himself by slurring a badly paraphrased version of one of his best speeches (the pitch for Kodak slide projectors at the end of the first season). Don accidentally sells them “The Cure for the Common Breakfast,” a slogan taken right from portfolio of young Danny Nepotism. Eager to get back to the after party, Don ignores a disapproving Peggy except to order her into a hotel room with Nudist Stan until they come up with a campaign for Vic’s Chemical. Peggy’s disappointment at Don’s fall from grace isn’t a mirror he feels like looking into right now.
The rest of the episode is a clumsy downward spiral. Stan flips through Playboy and intermittently accuses Peggy of being ashamed of her body. Peggy proceeds to strip down (three cheers for female liberation! Amen, Sistah!) and get down—to work, that is. Now it’s Stan that can’t focus, his erection a symbol of Peggy’s triumph over the man—though have we noticed she’s fairly desperate for the attention of male authority figures? Hello, she slept with Duck!
At the after party, Don flirts with Blonde Doctor Faye who coolly rejects him. She’ll be back though: Don likes ‘em fiery. Now begins Don Draper’s Night of Shame. He goes to bed with a brunette whose oral skills (what? she hums the Star Spangled Banner!) are not up to par and wakes up with a waitress named Doris who refers to him as Dick. Ah the irony! Now, I understand that Don is going to have to hit rock bottom because rising from the gutter is what Don does. This is emphasized in a series of flashbacks that give the origin story of the Draper/Sterling brotherhood of AM drinking. Jon Hamm’s acting talent usually makes us care about Don, even though he’s an arrogant man-whore. But for how much longer? How long can we watch Don act like an overdressed fraternity brother before we lose faith in him? Unlike the eager Don Draper seen in the episode’s flashbacks, this self-pitying Don is not the cure for the common ad-man. He doesn’t care about his work, his kids, or even his women. And that is why my mom secretly hopes that Don Draper gets hit by a bus.
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